A SEXY LADY LOOKED AT MY BEER BELLY THE OTHER DAY AND SARCASTICALLY ASKED ME. "IS IT CARLSBERG OR CORONA?' SO I SMILED AND REPLIED, "THERE'S A TAP UNDERNEATH, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A TASTE AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF!"

EXERCISING WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE REWARDING IF CALORIES SCREAMED WHILE YOU BURNED THEM

Neither side eats bacon. This is not my war.

If you're ugly please don't use perfume, you're making us turn around for nothing

MEN STOP TRYING TO TURN WOMEN ON BY SENDING THEM DICK PICS. INSTEAD, SEND THEM PICS OF YOU PUTTING AWAY YOUR LAUNDRY OR CLEANING UP AFTER YOURSELF.

Them: "Humans have really messed things up." AI: 'Hold my beer."

"Prince of Wales plays with new puppies in birthday picture" Kate's had implants?

If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?

WHAT DID THE STRAWBERRY SAY WHEN IT ROBBED THE BANK? PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A STROBBERY!

Elon Musk gets a lot of hate. But it's not enough. We can do better.

I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP ON MY GOALS. I WOULD SIMPLY SWITCH TO EASIER GOALS AND PRETEND THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.

I'M LOVING THIS HEATWAVE! I'VE SEEN MORE CAMELTOE THAN AN EGYPTIAN VET

3 CONSPIRACY THEORISTS WALK INTO A BAR. YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE

On my way to work there's a sign saying, 'Have you seen our cat?' and a telephone number. I'm getting tired of phoning and saying "No."

Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has made the remarkable decision to look for successors if he is assassinated. Meanwhile, LinkedIn crashes in Iran as requests to delete profiles overwhelm the system.

reduce, reuse, recycle

geometry

how old are you?

San Francisco

Name the singer. (He’s not.) Bonus points for the year.