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Yeah I take AP classes… I take "A Pee" during class!!! 🤣 it is lowkey thrilling to piss in a empty pedialyte bottle while da teacher goes over a rubric

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do i even bother doing this self tape for "guy who got hit by lightning 10 times" 😩

I get my balls x-rayed twice a week to ensure there are no lumps. And now my fertility doctor is saying I have da lowest sperm count he ever saw (8 sperms per load) 😕

If you wear this to a parent/teacher conference (as a parent) you will assert dominance over da teacher in a way that will benefit you & your child

if you are gonna steal my jokes at least credit me

AIDA: forced my jewish wife to eat holy communion & she barfed up black puke 🤷‍♂️

LOS ANGELES: I am bringing my new hour of absurdist bro humor to Dynasty Typewriter in a few weeks (I got a job playing Stitch at Disney Land so I will be in town for a bit) 🎟️: squadup.com/events/dan-lic…

If you get in school suspension for something you didn't do, you should get to go into the teacher's house for 2 minutes and do whatever you want!! Dan Licata

Apparently several teachers are planning to protest my show in LA on Fri 5/23. Please don’t let this deter you from buying a ticket. I’ve crossed many picket lines in my life & it is honestly not that bad, although I am used to getting screamed at lol 🎟️: squadup.com/events/dan-lic…

JUST ANNOUNCED! Dan + Joe + DVD Show with Dan Licata and Joe Pera on Thursday, July 3rd! Tickets on sale now: tinyurl.com/w7vu4k3p

Class is in session! Tune in LIVE tomorrow Thursday 5/29 at 10am PT (1pm ET) for Comedy 101 with our special guest who's "For The Boys" Dan Licata, and get schooled by the musical talents of Hurray for the Riff Raff (hurray for the riff raff) - youtube.com/live/OCVwTQs58… Art by Sam Hopko

Dopp o' the mornin to ya! Tune in for the real deal TODAY 5/29 at 10am PT (1pm ET) on Office Hours Live with special guest comedian Dan Licata and musical guest Hurray for the Riff Raff (hurray for the riff raff) at youtube.com/live/OCVwTQs58…

Audience Member Leaves Me Speechless

YO! Dan Licata is one freaky MFer 🤣 When you finish watching this week's ep with Dan at youtube.com/live/OCVwTQs58… go check out his special "For The Boys" at youtube.com/live/wrCb9rntb…

a haunted house but for making people horny instead of scared -how my dad explained strip clubs to me when I was 5 years old

Very pumped for these summer shows! And you know my Italian ass can’t wait to try/compare da pizza in these 3 fine cities 🍕 🎟️: linktr.ee/danlicatasucks