hell is for laundry thieves, litterbugs, people who forget to turn off their hotel alarm for the next guests

like I believed you all when you said New Orleans was great but like jesus

hell yeah I should look that up right now, opens chrome tab, forgets everything but concept of chairs

Waiting in line at gas station for 5 minutes when guy ahead finishes up and then state trooper makes my week and takes the open spot and goes about their day with no eye contact I love it here what a fine fine day

Summer is over, I’m back around the city and want to mail out/give away 10 copies of my novel TEENAGER. Will pick randomly from retweets ❤️

first drafts

If you’re awake, go look outside at Jupiter. It’s the closest it will be in our lifetime. Vaguely south-southwest, from the US. Brightest thing in the sky. Give it a wave.

Go befriend a poet

Don’t worry, the 3am idea log still dropping bangers: “football but with sandwich”

A fly has appeared and is wishing to colonize my monitor excuse me while I rearrange my day around the hunt

oh my god ctrl+backspace deletes whole words

"officers were not wearing body cameras at the time" is the reddest of flags

Wife wanted a half-caf chai tea so I poured some of the caffeine carton and some of the decaf carton and took a sip and realized that because the cartons are the exact size and shape of those meat stock boxes I had instead made her a half-beef. Tasted worse that you’d think.

Whatever you’re cooking tonight, put what you think looks like an uncomfortable amount of sage in it

Thesis submitted. And what will I do tomorrow morning? Play with my daughter, walk my dog, watch something stupid next to my wife on the couch, and then do the goddamn dishes. And all of it will fucking rule.

Risotto is just western fried rice you can put in the kitchen sink and it’s awesome let’s fight