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Can’t talk now hunny I’m in the studio 😎 💅🏻 🎤 🎶 💁🏻‍♂️ 💃🏻 🪩 - Me in my boxers eating dry roasted peanuts whilst watching The Chase in my studio flat

I’m looking for a man who can look past the surface level and see the real me inside. So ideally a radiographer.

A haiku on nutritional yeast: Nutritional yeast, when it comes to its flavour, is doing the least.

Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. I think all the world’s a theatre bar IT BLEEDS YOU FOOKIN DRY xx

There’s nowhere on the Victoria Station concourse where a busy urban switched-on professional can buy an onion at approx 9:30pm ☹️ 😡 Methinks I have spotted a potentially very lucrative gap in the market 😎 💵

It’s all tits and teeth bbz, all tits and teeth 😎 🎭 💃🏻 💁🏻‍♂️ 💅🏻 - Me, beckoning people into my brassiere and dentures emporium

From watching music videos on the big tv in my parents’ living room 20 years ago, to watching music videos on my phone held horizontally in my studio flat, I sure have come along way bby 😎

Thinking about how if Twitter existed in 1999 the number of people who would’ve tweeted that Prince was gonna have a good year.

Remember kids, there is nothing lit, about littering.

A fragilely masculine footstool: I am not a pouffe, I am a complete and ottaman! 💪 👨 👍

Russian industrial techno and a ride on the Croydon tram is a great pairing.

If they sold the flavour dust that gathers at the bottom of packets of dry roasted peanuts separately in little packets like a savoury sherbet Dip Dab I probably wouldn’t buy it because I would want the peanuts themselves but it would still maybe be kind of cool though, thanks x

Okay I’m really starting to freak out I’m getting so many promotional emails in my inbox about spooky savings 😱 😬 👻

Could anyone be Fergalicious, or was it just the former manager of Manchester United?

I supposed if da Vinci was alive today he would’ve made the Mona Lisa through the medium of a TikTok dance would he bloody typical

The lovely Lidl Christmas ad must take place in the same cinematic universe as the 1996 101 Dalmatians live-action remake, which was also set in a UK with wild raccoons ❤️ 🦝 🎄

@DanceSlide Meridian High School The PappyShow Fairfield Halls Legacy Youth Zone Finishing off the week we have our local artist showcase ‘CroydonBites’ now featuring comedian Dick Denham with a film from Chardine Makaveli-Singh, spoken word from Nathan Brown-Bennett and a musical performance from Katie Rose

Todays the day! CroydonBites, our local artist showcase takes place tonight The Front Room 7:30pm. We have FOUR fantastic offerings including a film, spoken word, comedy and a musical performance! BOOK NOW: croydonites.com/programme/croy…

Calibri girls just wanna have fun

Thank you Helm Dogg on Tour for another amazing night! Thank you Jack Barry Toby Williams Catherine Wilkins Dick Denham @Thephilellis Nathaniel Metcalfe (also available on Bluesky) Al Murray 🇺🇦 Greg Richardson! First time with literal blood as well as the sweat and tears (tears of laughter of course!) Merry Fuckfest!!!