taking your keys on a trip feels so silly it’s like hmm yeah lemme bring these just in case where i’m going they have My Door

My buddy lost his job to AI. It was his job to chug thousands of gallons of water at a data center

who says romance is dead

When someone tells you they made food for dinner…. it’s like bro I just had food for lunch

In the process of scaring the hoes, we sometimes scare ourselves

all you have to do to go viral on here is tweet like “jerking my shit in a preposterous fashion”

In 2015 I remember encountering the tree man on st marks

if you’re ever at a cheesecake factory with people above 45 (they love going there), at the end of the meal let out a long sigh and say “long day at the cheesecake factory”. kills every time they love it.

this is what a french ADULT sounds like

Cucked by industry

Getting a tattoo of my favorite band ‘DO NOT RESUSCITATE’ on my chest in big letters 💕

I have a fever so i’m not liable for anything I tweet in the next 24 hrs

This and home alone are the first movies I have a memory of as a kid.

>be me >artie bucco.png

Talent hits a target no one can hit, genius hits a target no one can see.

*seeing someone has a lot of rokus* roku city over here

10ish elbow

First time listener long time caller