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red eye http://twitgoo.com/nwehu

What you really want to say on FB, but you don't! Now you can.

thinking about how funny it would be if people were not so fake on Facebook.

"Yes, that bathing suit makes you look fat" "Just clogged the toilet at Nobu in Malibu" "Are you out of the closet yet?"

#drunkwords will stop tomorrow

You look like your dog.

#wordsaftersex i faked it

Facebook makes people think we give a damn if their kids win a soccer game, eat sushi for the first time or get good grades. gfy!

good job running the marathon. you could still drop a few lbs.

"is" what is that? you are that desperate for attention you need to update your status to "is"?

my dog just crapped out half his body weight

come on followers... write what you have always wanted to on FB, but ya didn't! The more politically incorrect, the better.

your baby is not cute. i am sorry.

my dog is humping his bed. oh yeah. he is fixed.