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What’s the worst birthday present you’ve ever received? My ex once forgave £12 of debt for a meal at Pizza Express that took place 4 months prior. That was the whole present.

Guys, has anyone seen Wally? Starting to worry.

Hey sister, go sister, Flow sister, Gloucester

Fitting for Paloma Faith to close her Brighton Pride set with anal sex anthem, Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Thrilled to be returning as head judge for season 3 of The Next Drag Superstar Queen of Hoxton starting TOMORROW! Season 2 was a whirlwind of talent so I’m gagging for tomorrow night & I think it would be wise of you to join us for a fabulous evening🍸 outsavvy.com/event/10110/th…

May she rest in peas

MUAs: “Never use beauty blenders, they are unprofessional and riddled with bacteria.” Drag Artists: “What was that? Sorry I can’t hear you, I’m just hot glueing some old toenail clippings to my eyelids.”

Not many people realise but Gregg’s is actually short for Greggathy Perkins

What’s the easiest fuck, marry, kill and why is it the three Spider-Man actors?

When you see this plate you just know that someone’s about to whip out a chicken breast wrapped in Parma ham with a shop-bought balsamic glaze and a side of xenophobia

I’ve reached that point in the year where I look forward to washing up cos it’s like a nice hot bubble bath for my hands

2022. That’s the year in which every living human has either been a Sugababe or resigned as Tory PM. And so begins the fourth age of mankind.

It’s kinda wild that when future historians study the death of the longest reigning monarch in British history they will do so via a televised announcement from a woman called Liz Truss whom nobody seems able to place.

The SILENCE when a bar plays the full Fresh Prince theme song and the punters run out of the lyrics featured in the opening credits.

Low key hate BBC Breaking News notifications cos they make me jump out of my skin and then it could be “4 minute nuclear warning” or equally “one of The Krankies has been arrested for shoplifting.”

People love to complain about Christmas coming early but what they don’t realise is that the festive section in Poundland is actually for Christmas 2024. They stopped selling stuff for this Christmas in 2019.

Wishing all my fellow Drag queens a merry infected contact lens-ween and many happy returns of the public saying “bit late for halloween isn’t it?” every time they’re out in drag for the next month.

Sometimes I just sit and think about baroque people hearing classical music and thinking wtf is this dubstep

My take on the Sam Smith debate is that a friend of a friend was at their launch party last week and everyone got really bad food poisoning

Are you a “Beautiful by Christina Aguilera got me through the worst of puberty” queer millennial or a “Fighter by Christina Aguilera got me through the worst of puberty” queer millennial?