🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

- sorry i disappeared mrs davenport, i forgot something back at the depot , but i should be able to plumb your new toilet in now. - i wish i’d known that about 4 minutes ago…

ok, so your mother disagrees, but what about you. do you think the spaghetti was a little too ‘al dente’…?

ok, so i’m being advised against the ‘reverse psychology’ thing, so let me try again. you’re NOT a big wet lettuce and i’m sure someone somewhere probably loves you…

- these illegal cannabis farms are becoming a real problem, this is the 3rd fire in a week. - sir, i’ve brought reinforcements…

well tony, this has been a massive night for the braithwaites. all 3 holes in one session…

need to buy cards? my new friends at brainbox candy got a shit tonne of them. use code: 5FOR10 tinyurl.com/mt6phrue

- happy father’s day daddy! - i don’t know sweetie, i’m a bit busy at the moment. ask mummy.

oh the farm-life. the fresh air, the open spaces, the harvest of god’s glorious bounty, that dead duck being face f**ked by a diseased goat…

A cautionary tail 🐇. Not all 💨 are created equal. 🛒 brainboxcandy.com/funny-birthday… #funnycards #staycool #toilethumour #acautionarytale #nevertrustafart #forest_fr1ends #PoolParty #puttingthepooinpoo

putting your IBS to one side, how was it…?

- i wish i didn’t have to go to school tomorrow. - well, i wish i hadn’t done mushrooms this late on a monday evening sweetie, but i guess we all have our demons to face…

i don’t know how to say this without denting your confidence, but for the last 10 minutes you’ve been licking my caesarean scar...

what a relief to finally sort out our life insurance. let’s celebrate with some toast…

i’ll be honest, this sexy ‘CSI role-play’ loses some of its romance when you turn on the UV light...

this sort of horseshit is the reason i’m divorcing you geoff, now let the f**king spaghetti go...

i wish they’d turn that awful music down, it’s ruining my feng shui. torquin, how’s your goat cheese & beetroot gelato…?

this weather’s killing me. everything’s so sticky down there. it’s like i’ve been wanking with a pritt stick…

- i’m back mummy. i’ve been to narnia and met a fawn and a white witch, and mr & mrs beaver and— - jesus christ, wake up terry, she’s found our ketamine stash…

please don’t be alarmed, and i assure you it was not intentional, but i think…. i have a toe inside you…

- dad, what were summer holidays like when you were a kid? - i found half a porno mag once, fisted into the hedge round the back of budgens. lost the whole summer wanking myself half blind…