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Only recently I realized I don't have to say "Hey, I have an Idea!" Whenever I have an idea.

I put a fried egg in my chicken sandwich. That way I can eat the mommy and the baby at the same time.

If I couldn't grow a beard I probably would be more in shape. You know what they always say: The face is the gateway to how fat I am

Hi

Fight the flower!

Am I the only person that secretly hopes the booster shot is filled with cum?💦🤤

Mike Ward is offering 25 shelters to 25 Montreal English comedians

Gonna drive to Ottawa with my Honk if you’re horny bumper sticker

Now I know why I got my Vaccines! It was to be allowed to go into the theater and see Jackass Forever!

Hilarious new episode with Amer Rez & Gabriel Omassi Is up on YouTube. ▶️youtu.be/uamaehl1BUk

Career, Relationship, Success, Happiness? Or Elden Ring?

I was at a wedding this weekend. There was a disposable camera placed on every table. People were taking photos of the food. People were taking photos of each other dancing. I took 23 photos of my ass.

Women wear bras on their boobs. But men don’t wear bras for their balls?

Honoured to be part of JFL’s Discovering My Ass series. We made it!

I can’t remember the last time I had a vegetable 😔

Abraham Lincoln if he was a Pimp: “420 Score and 69 years ago 😎”

Can’t wait for the sequel to Oppenheimer: OppenHymen: Atomic Pussy

I once jumped out a window to get my current girlfriend to notice me. 🧍🏻‍♀️👨‍🦼 Best decision I’ve ever made in my life

The WHO recommends a maximum daily intake of 40 milligrams of aspartame per kilogram of body weight. Which is 33 cans of soda a day. I’ve been following these guidelines since this article came out. In unrelated news. I have about a month to live.

I feel relief that multinational corporations have my best interests at heart. Now if you excuse me, i'm going to fill up my car with totally safe leaded gasoline while I smoke a pack of doctor recommended lucky strike cigarettes.