To be fair to Americans, every 8 years I put an entire roll of tinfoil in a microwave & expect a different outcome

If you want to be picked for Trump's presidential team, better hit the gym now cos there's going to be a swimsuit round

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jill ate her friend's sandwich. - Jill ate her friend's colon.

Thankyou so much to retroscAL for making this wee guy. I’m now on the lookout for a teeny tiny Curly Wurly

The next 4 years will be a mash-up of King Ralph & The Omen III #Trump #America

Yoyo Dieter is a fair description of my erratic eating habits. It also happens to be my German hiphop name

Will.i.am has a sister Gill.i.an who’s brill.i.ant at bill.i.ards

If you're looking for trouble... you've come to the wrong place. He's the guy at no 32 with the car engine on a burnt-out mattress

I just got third party insurance. I'm going to have to be REALLY, REALLY careful at the next two parties I go to.

I do my lounging in my lounge, my boxing in my box room & my panicking in my panic room

I wouldn't say Jet Set Willie was completely ZX, but he was certainly on the ZX Spectrum

The golden age of boat rescue was probably the seventies. Of course that was when flares were fashionable

That’s me on the Bluesky. Sanjeev Kohli.bskyb.social. I am consciously uncoupling from Elon Musk. Which will make things VERY awkward when I see him at the climbing wall we both frequent

Come join me on Bluesky. Sanjeev Kohli.bskyb.social. The water’s lovely. (And I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet but there’s a massive skittery turd in your shallow end)

Another fantastic day at Glasgow Queen Street with ScotRail’s strategic partner, Royal Scottish National Orchestra. We support their annual Christmas Concerts including The Snowman, and we were lucky enough to find this year’s narrator in the station too. Thanks for getting a photo with us Sanjeev Kohli!

Belinda Carlisle & me? We dream the same dreams, we want the same things. She keeps outbidding me on eBay

I never had a Samsung Galaxy. I preferred the more basic Samsaid Boost

Going to the Half Rewind festival next weekend. Looking forward to seeing Duran, Talk & Mister. Hopefully catch Wet and a Half as well

If you lose your case in The Supreme Court, it is still possible to make an appeal to The Court of Diana Ross

🎶 Oh she may get weary Young girls they do get weary Staying in that same old guest house in Skegness But when she gets weary Try a little Inverness 🎶