I would like a pantry. That is all.

PSA: HR is not your friend. They are the company’s friend. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

me every day

Me in my bedroom after watching George Sampson win Britain’s Got Talent

People may be going back to work and attempting to live a normal life but I am making fresh pasta and crying. The pasta is going great I just keep busting into tears. How is your Thursday going?

The moustache is real #NewProfilePic

I’ll tell you what’s crappy about being a gay man is that when I start talking to someone I have to think about an appropriate time to tell him I’m chubby. I feel like I’ll waste his time if I don’t tell him soon. Gay culture is all about looks and I don’t fit 😬😬

me at a funeral after saying we should cut the person open to see if they’re cake

When Gandalf hit the steward of Gondor with his staff before the battle for Minith Tirith 👌

🎼I’m on a speedboat, somebody’s watching me🎼

Replace Ellen with the Trash Witch

I was that kid

PARKLIFE

A mystery Artwork has appeared on the level 1 toilets at Tate Modern🚽 Anonymous Inverted Fountain (after Marcel Duchamp) 2020

Rachel Stevens says her rule for ordering takeaways is that the person with the most awkward order should be the one to call

I’ve seen this tweet a lot this week. WHO ENJOYED SECONDARY SCHOOL?! Imagine being so straight and white that you could reminisce about good times at school.

I just want to keep my job. Is that too much to ask?

This is a British masterpiece, whoever added the piano needs to be on the honours list 😂😭😭😭 x.com/rhodri/status/…

You know what? I need it ALRIGHT