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Throwback to when I supported Creed from the office on tour. What a great time that was

Do you think jesus ever walked about telling people "it ain't easy, being jeezy?"

If you order Chinese food and ask for no onions, I'm fairly confident they'd just poison you to avoid the situation occurring again

Thanks to the lads from Yes Theory for coming to my little comedy show in Luton. I hope The Comedy Bar (LU1 of course) was a good night out. Not quite skydiving over the pyramids but no doubt a close second place in terms of best experiences ever I'm sure.

Diddy skidaddled

Is it just me who thinks Lamborghini sounds absolutely delicious

OJ Simpsons cause of death has been reported as cancer. Cancer denies any involvement

Just referred to the weather as "a bit chilbo baggins"

Chewbacca's full name is Chewing Tobacco #Maythe4thBeWithYou

Kendrick doesn't need a music video, fans are creating their own 😭

Decided today that my twitter page is now going to be dedicated to shitting on Elon Musk. Elon Musk's face looks like someone's failed life drawing exercise. I didn't know humans could also elicit an uncanny valley sensation.

Elon Musk has the personality of sentient playdough

Elon Musk is such an ugly name

Elon Musk is like if the movie Junior was in reverse

All that money and Elon Musk still looks like that

Elon Musk is aging like an old fat wine

Bloated Cadaver