[John Maus voice over baroque synth] Logging online, logging online Pleasing all the view-ers [reverb shouting] You're fighting with a man! You're fighting with a man Logging online, all the time Checking all the num-bers [weird classical rhythm] Num-bers-up num-bers-down

Epstein Flight Log? Not real. ~8 public admitted trips by Bill Clinton? Pit stops on the way to do charity in Africa. Woman pictured with Prince Andrew who has said "that guy raped me" to 0% gain for years? Fake. C.I.A?? Gallant knights, protectors. Government? IRS? Your friends

Blue sky has zero argument. Some funny people from here moved there. Ifs unfortunate. They have nothing. There's no world war taunting. There's no decaying USA. There's no instantaneously annoying AI robot you can sic on any post at any time and instantly piss everyone off

Yes, and Richard Nixon was a left wing president. Culture is liquid and constantly transforming and you can say this obtuse bullshit about everything. Seize your little agency. Your van hurdles towards entropy

Your existence is a 1964 Dodge van hurdling towards entropy. The brakes barely work and the accelerator won't go below 60m. You cannot avoid collision. Your options are to head faster to your abyssal end or swerve wildly, perhaps without much impact yet still vigor and sentiment

The Muskmeister is giving the dumbest celebs "wow 🤣"itis. It's where you say horrendously dumb shit and don't know what you're saying so you use the child's laugh emoji and brag about getting people mad online (its main pastime). There is no known cure but death

It’s always the softest weakest little moustache cunt who has big rules about how to have fun on here

This is crazy, apparently this is now the #1 dorm room poster in USA colleges

When MΛЯGΛЯΣƬ is around I have to tell her when i'm talking to nanoo rizz because I giggle at our stupid exchanges like a moron schoolgirl

"Apes have volatile and destructive tendencies" oh yeah? Wanna say that to my little friend here? named Diddy Kong? He's a permanent child. He only has one set of clothing. His backpack is very small. Diddy Kong why won't they let you wear a normal backpack

This is the most dangerous thing about Trump. No matter what he does, he's still so fucking cartoonish and charming. He's talking to Epstein about sex trafficking and he sounds like Mr. Rogers. "And never forget: A pal is a wonderful thing. Every day can be a wonderful secret"

Good god what Have i done

ever since this post, knockoffs of my highly inimitable and powerful lover have been proliferating in certain unsavory markets, including bozo characters such as jeffrey variable… jim v vicinity…. jacques vie variola… and the worst of the bunch:..……. jerk von villainy

Never thought I'd say ratio'ing Jimmy Fallon would be my 2nd proudest post of the month, but July 31st I will be opening for art rock god John Maus at an intimate stint. It's sold out because it will be spectacular, but check for future dates, and maybe wait outside to fight us

Sorry but I post a lot of depressing stuff so I feel a duty to say this: Last year I was a suicidal ruined mess, and now I am opening for a sold out John Maus show, my gf is MΛЯGΛЯΣƬ, and I have ratio'd Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell's "Jorts" sketch 30x. Don't kill yourself