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But… but… I thought death comes in threes?

Great. Now we need extra Secret Service to protect Biden‘s teleprompter.

If this was Biden, the GOP would slap together an ad that day with the footage and Yakety Sax.

I’m afraid my earlier tweets have dashed any hope of a job in the Trump administration.

Can we please handle this with the same sensitivity Trump showed Paul Pelosi?

Thank God Melania skipped this one.

I can’t believe someone tried to fulfill Richard Simmons’ dying wish.

“Stitch him up! Stitch him up! Stitch him up!”

I love Trump’s VP pick. He seems pretty anti-Trump.

Someone needs a nap.

Trump already put the firefighter uniform on eBay. (Gently kissed) #RNC

So far Trump’s vision of the future is… Hulkamania?

Tired of the real world and all that comes along with it? Great news! I was roped into doing a show where I read a funny novelization of the Matrix written by the very funny Josh Comers! podfollow.com/novelizers

NextForAutism.org/NOTMS

does this mean i can buy a tesla?

This is the final phase of Elon's masterplan to get me to tweet again.

If the National Guard in LA is looking for something to do, I’m about to jaywalk.

You guys are crazy. Kid did an amazing job trimming my hedges. I have the utmost faith.

Ozzy bit off the head of a bat during a show. Can Springsteen say that?

Hulk Hogan's last feat was ripping his shirt off for the paramedics.