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I bring a sort of “we should all quit” vibe to the workplace that bosses don’t really like

“It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.” - John Waters

learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense

everyone knows that emotionally the day ends at 330

depressed people love to put “lol” or “lmao” at the end of the most psychologically troubling sentence youve ever read in your life

the FDA just approved giving me a long hug and rubbing my back a little to let me know its all OK

do you ever leave a social situation and you're just like mmm that was not my best work

Please congratulate me on my new position! It is the fetal position, I will be in it for awhile.

I miss when weekends were actual weekends and not “days to finish all the work you couldn’t do during the week due to working all the time.” It’s giving “hell on earth”

clients love asking for two things 1. a tiktok challenge 2. how does tiktok work

"We want grandkids." Best I can do is write a screenplay about the childhood trauma you caused me

Going on a reverse mission trip.. headed to Utah to teach people the joys of sinning

i’ll be fine i just have to talk about it obsessively and spiral first

sorry for over-explaining myself i got yelled at a lot as a child

"You will not soon forget 'The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping,' and you will feel shock and outrage about what happened to these students — and great admiration for the strong and still healing survivors they are today," writes Richard Roeper. trib.al/yQ2laIQ

Woah… 👀 #1 on Netflix!