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In the suburbs, watching TV, and all these commercials make me worried, like; people over 60, are you ok? They’re advertising a battery caddy because they think you can’t understand batteries??????

Just be honest and say that “seeing people chose who they want to be and how they want to be in the world scares me because people I control will see that and want to be free, too”

Joe Rogan used to be hot. Legions of dudes would not be following him if he still had hair, they’d be like, oh another hot guy; what does he know? Guys are relating to him because he’s bald (and dumb enough to seem like someone you’d be friends with?)

Hesitant to tell my friends that they look great today just in case it’s a Halloween costume and the improvement is just temporary

Y’all please vote correctly, I don’t want to have to know who JD Vance is in 6 months

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Disappointed to learn that I missed the mobile criterion closet in New York, where else would there be a line of bespectacled dudes as pretentious as me????

The holiday music blaring at Target and Michael’s are like the white smoke from a papal conclave letting us know that the season has changed and Christmas is in power now

Distract yourself from the election anxiety by voting in the Hot Guy Draft. Your opinion matters (for this thing that absolutely doesn’t matter): forms.gle/wVxDUi5T9vxj5s…

Dudes thinking about the Roman Empire so much, they’re trying to recreate its decline so they can experience it in real time

Genuinely thought I was having heart palpitations but it turns out that actually, the person in the apartment next door just got really into house

In this crazy time, f*ck it, I’m gonna shoot my shot! . [continues to never speak to my crushes, and accepts that I’m just gonna die with secrets]