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When I did my 1st open mic as a fresh faced college kid, it was my dream to one day post my material in 8 second clips, sweating blood for an algorithm, losing all connection with my creativity in hopes of getting a high score in an arbitrary content pachinko game

I will never talk trash to Michael Jordan again

Behind! "Yes chef" No, behind... I'm gonna kick your behind if you don't start cooking this damn pasta better!! ^^ a little exchange I thought of for The Bear. Willing to be a scab I just wanna get this out there!!

This is the job I’m supposed to have. Killing a fake snake in front of monkeys and then becoming their hero.

Forgot my toothbrush at home before I flew back to see my parents but I just found a different toothbrush that I forgot here last time! No lesson learned I'm just gonna keep ripping as per usual. Fuck you everybody!!

Seems like in stand up we're always collectively picking a thing that'll BLOW IT UP at an open mic. And for a while it was going *chefs kiss* or *yum yum yum* but about mental illness. And now it is, for some reason.. mentioning autism!

Today we are celebrating my dad Dr. Gabor Maté's 80th birthday. He was born in Budapest on January 6th 1944, two months before Nazi Germany occupied Hungary. He was able to escape the Jewish ghetto after his mother, Judy, gave him to a stranger on the street, who agreed to take

Do these companies realize that the irony comedians find their commercials cringe as fuck?!?!

This bit was a dream of mine and I want to thank ALEX KOLANKO Kyle Bergstresser Scoped Exposure and New Friends Fest for giving me somewhere wild to do this mess. youtu.be/w8LCd8Ddttw?si…

One reason the empire is losing young people is because the imperial status quo has given them no investment in it. They'll never own property. They can't support a family or retire. They've been given no reason not to want to rock the political boat. So they're rocking it. The

This guy on the sidewalk really thought he was faster than me today 😂. Yes you did pass me my man.. because I had a text to send. Come for me when I'm late for work. Stride next to the kid when his inbox is empty & see what hustle looks like you bitch. You fucker!! Fuck you!!!

Isabel Zaw-Tun @isabelzawtun's album recording is going to be a real partyyyy! Hosted by Kyle Bergstresser, we've got two amazing openers, each with albums on the Howl & Roar label! 7PM SHOW- Mug McCup 9PM SHOW- Tracy Hamilton 🎟️ eventbrite.ca/e/howl-roar-pr…

I am able to love my body because it is a machine that turns coffee yellow in like 5 minutes.... plus it allows me to DANCE!

This is UN satellite data. As many Israeli soldiers and political leaders have openly said, the goal is to make sure people in Gaza have nothing left to return to. This is not a war "against Hamas."

It's weird that we named all the bones. Looking at a skeleton going "that one is named scapulus"?! You're a fuckin freak!

How do I tell my algorithm I already know about how the Dewey actor won't be in the new Malcolm In The Middle? How do I get it to stop telling me that?

Hey James Brown if you want us to believe you feel good maybe don't start your song with "ow"??! Just a thought!!!