Putting your height in your Raya profile is like raising your hand at work and asking your boss if you could go to the bathroom. You do not need to do that but you clearly want to you freak.

Imagine if his name wasn’t Moo Deng

Love getting unsolicited texts from my friends “why are you on the upper west side it’s 1am”

I just want to be pregnant Margot Robbie right now. Is that too much to ask

Being single again is cool cuz now I can go back to inviting all of my hinge boys to my comedy shows to fill up seats

So weird that scrolling on Instagram doesn’t make me feel better

Made my therapist’s jaw drop THREE times today talking about my ex, think that means I’m winning.

Swiping no on everyone on hinge to make them like me

“I’m going to look like Mickey Rourke stretched over a boulder in a stream in Colorado” - Katya

The weirdest part of thanksgiving is Jimmy Fallon singing at the parade

My uncle every year: The Turkey makes you sleepy. It’s the tryptophan

Me to the guy I’m seeing a week into the holidays: Are you planning on hurting my feelings anytime soon because I need to lose 10lbs

Spotify nailed it

When more than 5 of your friends send you the Love on the Spectrum casting call

Who is out there fumbling SZA like what are you doing

Thinking about how many times my ex asked me what words meant

The workout ball in my parents basement

I want to go on maternity leave but without a baby.

I don’t believe in god but here goes nothing: “Dear god, please show me at least ONE person on hinge that I would actually want to have sex with.” Is that right?

Facts