Throwback to yesterday when I made a #holeinone #NoBigDeal #Blessed2017 #hashtag youtube.com/watch?v=pjuYpZ…

Student: are we beefing with North Korea? Me: 👍 S: so are we also porking with them? Me: 😳 S: what? What's porking? Me: 😑

Is there a spa service where someone just plays with your hair for an hour?

Sean Spicer is telling about as much truth at these WH press briefings as I am when my doctor asks me how many drinks I have per week.

so far I have dealt with crying, cleaning up puke, & picking up toys scattered everywhere. Parenting dogs is real work, I tell ya.

Finding these Bowling Green Massacre jokes to be a little too soon. Out of respect, we should wait until it takes place.

Econ lecture Me: example, how do I incentivize you to answer questions? Answer expected: extra credit Answer received: the room smells good

I have rightly earned this reputation at work #queenofhappyhour instagram.com/p/BQdjm2UDLiOU…

Today's weather matches my mood #blah instagram.com/p/BQs4jIfjEmPb…

#shenanigans @ Greenville Ave St Patrick's Day Parade instagram.com/p/BRi4HJBDQZoz…

"She's the superhero Dallas needs, but doesn't deserve" #batdog… instagram.com/p/BRlvJZcjtO3h…

Don't feed the animals instagram.com/p/BRmjbMZDyQCh…

Going to the park with doxies is a great way to meet new people. I've never had to apologize to so many men for my dogs trying to bite them.

Senior 1: "Are you going to watch the new Power Rangers movie?" Senior 2: "No. It's too progressive" Me: 🤦🏻‍♀️

My phone is trolling me 😐 #foreveralone #singleawareness instagram.com/p/BSZXk-1D4vHm…

Student 1: "what if Ms Gordon was in a coma and we are all just her servants"? Student 2: "Shutup. It's too early for an existential crisis"

#thingsmystudentssay @ W.T. White High School instagram.com/p/BSy4poqFMOZR…

#teacherjokes instagram.com/p/BTtvn3GjPyDP…

Summer Break Me: "didn't get my afternoon nap... just gonna lay down for a bit..." [Wakes up 13 hours later on my couch]

Me: why are you being so bad!?! Student: I learned it from you. Me: touché 😏