🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

“Excel maxxxing at the Aura Bank. We lit fam 🔥🔥🔥”

JPMorgan beat earnings estimates for the sixth straight quarter on strong trading & investment banking numbers • EPS: $5.24 a share vs. ($4.48 est.) • Rev: $45.68B vs. ($44.06B est.) 🧵 The full breakdown:

This is how y’all look

Embarrassing

“I was the CEO of Lehman Brothers. Here’s how to properly assess risk.”

Summer interns crowded around the first year analyst (he is their leader)

“I was the founder of FTX. Here’s how to protect my customer’s deposits.”

BREAKING: The Trump admin is finalizing an executive order to allow 401(k) retirement savings plans to invest in private equity — per BBG

Mao Zedong would've 100% shot the both of you

WE WILL MAKE JANUARY 6TH LOOK LIKE A PICNIC IF THIS HAPPENS

BREAKING: Trump has drafted a letter to fire Jerome Powell and asked House Republicans if he should do it, per NYT

“Quick, what’s the craziest shit I could do to distract from the Epstein files lol” - Trump rn

Can we just have one normal week???

JUST IN: Trump is signaling he could fire Powell and push rates below 1%. Inflation just hit 2.7% (highest since February). Bear case: lower rates could crush the dollar and drive speculative bubbles in equities, crypto, and real estate, without fixing core inflation. Bull

Trump just doing side quests to get people to forget about Epstein lmao

If they had agreed to bring back cocaine into the recipe, the whole Epstein thing *might* go away

This is next level cringe

Shane Gillis at the ESPYS: "There was supposed to be an Epstein joke here, but I guess it got deleted..."

Shane Gillis at the ESPYS: “Joe Rogan wanted me to be here to host this award show so that I could capture Adam Silver because Joe thinks he's an alien…Donald Trump wanted me to be here to capture Juan Soto for the same reason” 🤣