If they can make stuff for movies like the weapons in GI Joe, why cant they do it in real life?

Brother: I want to go to Cuba. Me: You can't. Brother: Yes I can. Me: You really can't. Brother: YOU DON'T THINK I CAN DO ANYTHING.

If something flies in front of the moon...can you see it everywhere?

I don't really care about the economy. How does it even affect me?

"If Lady Gaga were a man, she wouldn't be able to sing. Like, she couldn't sing like a girl."

"I want Kwanzaa like the Jews. Eight days of presents. Awesome."

Me: "What do you think about Thanksgiving?" Brother: "I don't get where the black Pilgrims went. Did they become the slaves?"

Brother: "Who is this man on T.V.?" Me: "That's Gloria Gaynor."

(While watching the dog show) "LOOK AT THAT DOG'S NIPPLES."

"Jesus was born in December, and then he died in March? I don't understand how we celebrate that so close together."

"I hate fake Christmas trees. They just don't seem real, you know?"

"I just go to bars and try to drink. What's the worst that could happen?"

"You hate your job, you just walk in there and tell motherfuckers the job is shit until they change what you don't like about it."

Me: "You went in the ice and snow with no shoes on?? WHY?" Brother: "Because my shoes were ALL THE WAY IN MY ROOM."

"So, to melt the ice I'll just pour some hot water down the driveway."