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I'll kill him when I get my hands on him.

For those of you wondering how my fortnight in Ashby de la Zouch is going...

Childhood Fear #17: Terry Hall and Lenny the Lion

Too much fighting on the dance floor.

A reminder of that time when Ron foolishly decided to represent the history of Nottingham in 100 objects. Say what you like about lockdown, it gave us time to treat the trivial things in life seriously. Give the list a read - it'll make you laugh.

Marjorie still has "6th in Miss Lovely Legs competition, Skegness Butlin's 1958" on her CV.

Today, I intend to be the best version of myself.

I deserve a licorice wheel and anybody who says I don't, don't know nothin'.

Ron is back! And just to prove that he's not had his head turned by the bright lights and exoticism of Leicestershire, here's a mangle for your consideration.

I haven't been this happy since the Darlington Quaker Girls beat the Terry's Chocolate Girls in 1931.

Don't kiss the captain. Don't kiss the captain...

All this for 5p? More evidence that Western civilisation reached its peak in the 70s.