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Stand up comedy is just explaining to strangers why you are sitting on the stairs.

no one on twitter has the right to complain about losing an hour

DC is the only city where one minute someone will be working for the leaders of our country, on our nations capital. The next minute they will be playing adult dodgeball in a community gym, several times a week.

Baseball doesn’t exist had me in a chokehold last week I watched everything in a day .. Manny Ramirez is so chaotic I had no idea

Stand-up comedy is filled with “fast rising” 40-year-olds who are “quickly establishing themselves as someone to watch”

People get married for the attention, right?

- nobody - booker for a comedy club in the middle of nowhere

To anyone who made and AI generated photo of you as your profile picture. Thank you for letting me know we shouldn’t be friends anymore.

As a white dude. I am extremely racist towards “REI” white people. Like, go eat fucking granola in Utah ya cliff climber.

America is poetry in motion. The government has literally come out and said, Hey. we have shot down 3 ufos in like 4 days. But America is like “yeah but did you see Rihanna is pregnant again”

The same ppl who are commenting on Jo Koy are also the same ppl who get nervous for a 5 person zoom meeting at work. Grow up.

You can’t help but be happy for someone good-willed and talented like Shane. One of my favorite monologues: jovial, artful, damn funny. If you are a joyless person who judges anything based on “audience reception”, I feel very very sorry for you. You are like poor dumb dogs who

What will we comics blame our lack of success on now that JFL is done.

euphoria youtu.be/NPqDIwWMtxg

J cole knew….. he knew this was going to be nuclear.

Kendrick is collecting his final infinity stones and is about to snap Drake out of existence.

I ordered a triple cheeseburger with everything removed. Stay tuned to see what happens

Wow this nigga Trump tryna Jessie Smollett us ….

This looks like an episode of Reno 911.