Hospitals would be so much better if the waiting room was a bar!

Getting your life together sounds cool and all but have you ever experienced the sheer thrill of blowing your life up? The adrenaline?! The euphoria of it all

Oh so everybody in love huh!?

Just saw my individual uber rating and I need to stop getting ubers for drunk friends! I know those 1 star rating were not about me, I'm an exemplary customer!

I'm going to be real guys, I miss lockdown! I'm so tired all the time!! I'm praying for another pandemic!

I once was going through some things and decided to tell my friend about it! This man looked me in face and told me to put my faith in Jesus! I told him I don't really believe in wizards.

My anxiety has been taking charge of my life this month and honestly I'm curious where it takes it.

I spend a lot of time trying to create well thought out jokes about my current problems to tell on stage instead of you know actually dealing with them and trying to find solutions!

The saddest thing about my generation is that we place way more value on clout than talent!

I have no issue with Harry Styles, my issue is with his fandom! They act like this dude is a revolutionary for the way he dresses! Like there’s nothing iconic about it! Think about Prince or better yet Little Richard who did that shit as black dudes in their time! That’s iconic

I’ve seen heterosexual pop stars do the same or worse! Feel like the problem you guys have has nothing to do with sexualising children and more to do with your homophobia! You ain’t complaining when Rihanna out here on here S&M shit…

The cognitive dissonance in religious people is a wild thing! How is my man telling me that he can’t wait for Ramadan be over so he can have a pint 😂 man said Eid is going to be wild!

Just checked my credit rating and you know what? I did not need that negativity in my life today!

So a few months ago I lost my phone and had to get a new phone number so no longer have access to that number! My chase bank account is paired with that number and trying to change it has been a nightmare! Chase Support UK is easily the worst customer service experience!

I’m not wishing death on anyone, I would never do that! I’m just saying if the King died right now that’s an extra bank holiday this year and another bank holiday for the coronation next year so…🤞🏿

As a grown adult man, I now I have to watch the little mermaid for the culture because people saying black people can’t be fishes and I have to prove them wrong. Like I’m tired !

If this whole missing submarine thing taught me anything is that we really don’t give a fuck about rich people. These people might die and I’ve seen nothing but hilarious memes!

Bald white men 🤝 Wetherspoon ! Name a better match