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One you learn to tell smiles from the eyes and not the mouth, you see the fakes everywhere. It's jarring.

I’m writing code in C dialects you have never even heard of for processor architectures you would never even fathom using compilers with command line arguments you could never even begin to find readable.

Three thousand followers! I can’t believe it. You’re all so beautiful, thank you…

This shaded region is the Indo-Gangetic plain, and it contains almost a seventh of the world's population.

Working on electric motors has given me a newfound respect for everything that spins. More pain and sweat and determination sits in those cylinders than a layman would ever suspect. Even the tiny drive in a milk frother is a miracle.

if you're looking for a new career consider being an upholsterer because that job is sofa filling

(Her, sobbing): I feel like I’m a piece of meat! (Me, trying to comfort her): Oh, A5 Wagyu, surely, a filet mignon. That special type where they give the cattle shoulder rubs.

Just got called the “Platonic ideal of a twink.”

Of the four scientists broadly considered the greatest (Newton, Maxwell, Einstein, and Dirac), three are British. That’s a pretty good run.

Happened to me once. Always be on the lookout for groups of nymphs.

There was a time when all the shadows of these tall buildings Would throw their cape around each corner of the grassy fields And one by one, each huge shade would cover the green with black Allowing changes that we could not have foreseen

Social awareness tip: if you ever say something awkward and people start giving you weirded out looks, just start crying. Burst into tears. They will feel bad and start comforting you. If they ask you what's wrong, you don't have to say.

(me as dictator of the america): first order of business, all chefs have to wear those tall white hats again, they must be super puffy (my éminence grise): Sir, the famine in South Dakota... (me): second order of business, all sailors must return to saying "ahoy"

Bounding, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, to the niche Internet microcelebrity, showing them that post of theirs you loved so much, asking them to say it aloud, and then hearing, savoring, their post given life again by their voice like old bones clothed with new flesh.

All about there was a great darkness spotted by ball fires, so sparse as to be mere glints in the vast night, and their circling bodies, so small as to be nothing. But here on this specific squat spheroid sat, for eon after eon, all humanity has done, thought, gained, or been.

The sad part is there was probably a historical advisor or consultant who pointed this out well in advance but was overruled by the higher-ups.

Thanks guys, I have ten concussions and my car has filed a restraining order.